Why I almost quit coaching

Have you ever started something with passion and deep belief, only to feel disappointed and disillusioned further down the line? Perhaps, it was a job, a relationship, a big project that felt off after a while. Sometimes the solution is to leave it behind. Other times the solution is to reshape it into something you can believe in again. 

That’s what happened with me and coaching. I knew that I loved coaching and working with people, especially one to one. And my clients seemed to love me back. But could I ignore the mainstream approach and do it in a way that felt authentic for me, my clients and the times we live in? 

Here’s the backstory: 

I used to be an achievement junkie: set a goal, achieve it, move on to the next one. I got scholarships for my 3 degrees, I finished my bachelor’s in three years instead of four, I was the youngest in my MBA class, I got “good” jobs and the list went on… 

Then in my late twenties, I looked at my boss at the prestigious advertising company I was working at and realised that I didn’t want what she had; which is were I was headed if I stayed on that path.  

So I decided to change paths. But no matter where I went, I fell into the same trap: focusing on achievement instead of fulfilment. There was no joy in the striving and achieving anymore, but I didn’t know another way so I kept going at it…

I wish I could tell you that becoming a coach changed that. Unfortunately it made it worse. You see, coaching is (and was even more so fifteen years ago when I first got into it) obsessed with success and measurable achievement. “If you can’t measure it you can’t achieve it! Unleash your power. Unlock your potential. If your goals don’t scare you, then they are not big enough. Go big or go home.” These are some of the typical coaching slogans. 

I met “successful” coaches who told me the secret to their success was working only with high-achieving clients. If a client wasn’t meeting their goals then they would just drop them. When I suggested that not all goals are measurable, I was met with looks of disbelief. When I argued that while setting clear goals might be crucial for progress, sometimes fixating solely on outcomes can lead to a narrow focus on external achievements potentially neglecting the importance of the individual’s journey, I was almost laughed at. 

And when I pointed out that the rigid goal-oriented approach could inadvertently create pressure, anxiety, and a sense of failure if those goals were not met, I was told that’s probably because the goals were not s.m.a.r.t. (can you see my eyes rolling?)

I could see that my clients had benefited from my non-rigid approach, but I just felt very disillusioned with the coaching world. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to be called a coach anymore. I had to step away, take some time off, re-assess and make a decision. 

Before I could decide, I did what I usually do in these situations: I went deep into researching, questioning, reading, further training and lots of soul searching with the support of many wonderful helpers.

I considered leaving the coaching world for good. I almost became a couples therapist, and for a while I went back into the nonprofit industry. But at the end, I decided to return to coaching, because I believe more voices like mine are needed; voices that might not fit the mould, but make a difference. 

Coaches that help you focus not only on the measurable, but also the immeasurable goals in life - the things that contribute deeply to living a content life. Coaches that help you become more of who you are instead of who society tells you that you should be. Coaches that see you more than a cog in the machine of capitalism. 

Coaches that ask: what matters to you? what makes life meaningful? what brings you joy and feeds your soul? how do you define success and fulfilment in your own terms? how can you live with greater ease and harmony? how can you lead a heart-led living? 

Does my approach suit everyone? Of course not. But I believe more and more people are seeking to escape the success trap guided by false glamour, become more aware of their inner voice and live according to their core values.

And for those people, I am here.