A practical and holistic tool for setting goals
There are a lot of statements that coaches use, which I don’t agree with. One of them is “if your goals don’t scare you, they are not big enough.” This line of thinking tries to convince us that we have to set huge goals and aim at massive achievements otherwise we shouldn’t even bother. But why should we put ourselves in a state of fear and panic? This is very “old school” approach and reminiscent of how a lot of us grew up at home and how we were educated at school: with threats and punishments.
Well, I don’t ascribe to that outdated philosophy neither in my parenting nor in my coaching approach. The problem with these scary goals is that we can’t keep them up for too long. At one point we are going to collapse from stress or burnout. And even if we manage to achieve this massive goal, a lot of us are discovering that it’s at the expense of our health, our relationships and our state of being. I am not saying that we don’t have to do that sometimes, in fact there are times we can’t avoid it, but what I am advocating is that it shouldn’t be our de facto way of being.
In fact we learn and grow when we are in a calm but motivated state and not when we are in a state of constant panic. And I’d like to introduce you to a tool that can help you understand and apply this philosophy in your goal setting and your every day life.
The Comfort, Stretch and Panic Model
The Comfort Zone includes activities that you feel at ease doing. These are usually things we know how to do, we feel comfortable and enjoyable doing or situations where we are in an environment we know well and/or surrounded my people we feel at ease with. It can be something simple like watching TV, tasing with friends, taking a walk or things that come naturally to us or something that we have performed so many times that has become second nature like driving or presenting at work or speaking another language you have mastered. When we are in our comfort zone we feel relaxed, confident, calm and secure.
The Stretch Zone is where we expand and learn. It’s the optimal zone when we embark on a new skill or a new experience. It is the area of exploration and adventure where we feel energised, motivated and excited. For example it might be learning a new language, a new sport, travelling to a new place or even learning new skills within an area that we’re comfortable with i.e. a painter learning a new technique or every time our phones/tablets/computers have an update and we need to learn a new software. Depending how much we need to learn, we might stretch a bit or a lot, but the crucial point is that we don’t move into the panic zone.
The Panic Zone is where we end up when we are stretched too far, either by ourselves or our environment, and we feel distressed, overwhelmed, anxious or even fearful. We are faced with a situation where we have too much to learn, too much to deal with, too many unknowns and not enough information or resources. We can’t always avoid panic zones, but we should try to minimise them as being in the panic zone for too long or too often is not healthy. For example, a colleague quits and we need to take on extra workload. We can perhaps deal with this in the short them, but in the long term it will eventually lead to burnout.
It’s very important to keep in mind that these three zones vary from person to person and from situation to situation as we all have different experiences, skills, personalities and expectations. The same activity, for example say swimming, can be in different zones for different people.
So the key is to tune into yourself and let your feelings guide you. When evaluating a situation, you are the only one that knows best in which zone you are in. So if you ever find yourself in the panic zone, ask: what would it take to get into the stretch zone?
Goal Setting
So how does this tool apply to goal setting? Well, it is a very useful tool when setting and working on goals so we don’t push ourselves into panic zone. Remember, the stretch zone is where learning happens where we can grow and develop in a manageable way.
However, when setting goals there’s a tendency to aim really high, and this can push us into the panic zone as we put too much pressure on ourselves. So when setting a goal, check in with yourself: does this stretch you or pushes you too far into the panic zone?
We also tend to set too many goals at the same time, especially at the beginning of the year, which can lead to overwhelm. Even if none of our goals on its own pushes us into the panic zone, having too much to accomplish means putting too much pressure on ourselves.
What I suggest to my clients is to have a few stretch goals, but make sure to break them into short, medium and longterm so they are more manageable. In addition, I suggest to have intentions in your comfort zone. The difference between goals and intentions is that goals are future focused, pointing to a specific external achievement whilst intentions are in the present moment, independent of goal achievement and internal - they are about our relationship with ourselves and others.
A goal focuses on what we want to do in the future: get a promotion, run 2kms, finish a degree. An intention focuses on how we want to feel: calm, joyful, peaceful. And that’s why I put intentions in the comfort zone — because they help us experience positive feelings. In today’s society where we are expected to be always on and on the go, it’s crucially important to spend adequate time in our comfort zone in order to rest, recover, reenergise and “fill our cup”.
If cooking or reading or walking relaxes you then create an intention around how often you’d like to do these activities. Take time to think what lies within your comfort zone that gives you positive feelings and then turn it into an intention. Focusing on intentions will help you achieve your goals, because you’ll have more energy and strength to work on your goals.
Remember the key to the three zones is tuning into yourself and finding where your own boundaries are. Consider your personality and what motivates you. Some temperaments naturally crave and thrive on more novelty so they have a bigger stretch threshold whilst others need a bigger comfort zone.
Also, consider the season you are in. Not only the season of the year (winter being a reason a lot of new year resolutions fail), but your own personal season. Personally, I am currently in a season of comfort. After many years of living extensively in the stretch and panic zones due to personal reasons, I crave a lot of comfort so I am focusing on that.
I only have two stretch goals: around my work and physical health. But I have lots of comfort intentions including slow mornings on the weekends, ending most of my days with reading (or listening to) books and cultivating the feeling intention of connection (as I shared in the Free Guide).
What do you think? Is this a useful tool for you? If you’ve already set goals and intentions, you can run them through this model and see where they land. If you haven’t set goals, then you can keep this tool in mind when considering goals and intentions in the future.
Let me know what you think of this tool.
Maria