Many years ago in my coaching practice in London, I had a client who was the Financial Director of a multibillion international company. He came to me for leadership coaching. Specifically, he wanted to become a more high-handed leader; in other words stricter and more authoritarian. “I want to be be like x” he said, referring to another director in his company. 

Modelling is a very common strategy in coaching. You ask clients to model themselves after someone that has achieved something they want to achieve. After they identify someone, then it’s all about what this person did to achieve that goal so you can replicate it. This can include specific actions, but also habits

But I don’t use this strategy and here’s why: because from my coaching experience and also from my personal experience I’ve witnessed and again that when you model yourself after someone else you might have initial success, but it won’t be long lasting. Instead what you will end up feeling like a fake, exhausted from trying to be someone you are not and at one point dropping the whole thing and feeling like a failure. 

And this is a problem we often get into. Wanting to be like someone we think we should be because their life looks better, or easier, or more successful. But in trying to model ourselves after someone else and act in ways that are unnatural to us we create pressure, anxiety and a sense of failure. 

We miss out on the golden light that exists in all of us: our inner wisdom. When we manage to tap into our inner wisdom, we unlock a wealth of potential and that’s when life feels more natural, easy and yes successful. 

So back to my client. I had in front of me was a measured, friendly, modest man who cared about the welfare of his team. Someone I couldn’t possibly see leading with an iron fist! Interestingly, he assumed that by being a more authoritative leader would make his work life easier as his subordinates would just do what they were told. 

Through a temperament assessment, deep conversations and thought-provoking questions, I helped him gain a deep understanding of himself, his strengths, and values and develop his own unique leadership style that was based on open communication and collaboration. Moreover, by learning to recognise the temperaments of the different individuals on his team, he created a climate that respected each persons strengths, resolved conflicts faster and easier and fostered cooperation.